Letting myself learn
Recently I had an interesting experience. A friend asked me if I want to do a training session with one of the dogs we were taking care of. She suggested that I can work on his behaviour in the kennel and showed an example. I set up my camera and started training but he wasn’t interested in the food I had. I should have changed what I'm using as treats but I ended up changing the whole scenario. And the new scenario was good for a while but then I messed up my timing and I felt like everything went wrong. After that, I knew that I'm in a wrong mindset and I just need to finish the session and go back to it with a better plan. The problem was, I needed to get Oscar (the dog) back to the kennel. Now, it is a poisoned cue for him and he didn't want to go there. I ended up crying thinking that I'm not good enough of a trainer to help this poor boy. Eventually, I figured out the least intrusive way to get him back to his kennel but I still felt like sh*t. This feeling of being not good enough is tough. I cried again when I explained this situation to my friend. But I needed to feel this feeling, be present with it, let tears fall and I let myself rant. Then I had nice breakfast and good coffee. After that, I received love from the dogs and all was good.
How can you feel bad when you have a doggy snuggling on your lap?
My takeaway from this situation: it's ok to have a feeling of not being good enough. It's not true but it can show up from time to time. Let it be, accept it, let it play out and most importantly LET IT GO. Find something positive in your life, something that you are grateful for - in my case, being surrounded with dogs is more than enough to make me happy and grateful. And when you are in this positive state of mind you can see the previous situation in a different light. I know what I still need to work on and it is great to know that. Next time I will set up the environment so I can learn and plan the session for success for me. Expecting too much from myself isn't fair. Letting myself learn will be 😊
Moreover when I shared this with my friend and behaviour analyst Alex Diaz, this it what he replied to me:
Couldn't agree more Anna. I was feeling major imposter syndrome the other day. I needed time to process and remind myself that I'm a badass. Lol honestly, I forget how much I know. But with that knowledge comes pressure. Expectations. And if all of a sudden you feel like maybe you're just figuring it out and you don't have all the answers right away, you can suddenly feel like a faker. An imposter.
But you gotta remember, this shit isn't easy. If anyone could do it, you wouldn't be here. You're not just anyone. You're a f*** badass that's capable of figuring it out.
Don't expect all the answers right away. Life doesn't work that way. You're capable. That's more than enough.
This went straight to my folder of awesomeness! Idea borrowed from the amazing Ryan Cartlidge, founder of Animal Training Academy. I cannot thank Alex enough for his awesomeness and ability to cheer me up!
Bottom line, we all sometimes feel like we are not enough. We should take those moments as a learning opportunity, instead of debilitating experience. No one is perfect all the time. But by willingness to learn and improve ourselves we can become a “badass” ;)
